We should all know this stuff...(and other forwards)

If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced
enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee. (Hardly seems worth it.)

If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced
to create the energy of an atomic bomb. (Now that's more like it!)

The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to
squirt blood 30 feet. (O.M.G.!)

A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes. (In my next life, I want to be a pig.)

A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death.
(Creepy.)

(I'm still not over the pig.)

Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour. (Do not try this
at home...... maybe at work.)

The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its
body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off. ("Honey, I'm
home. What the....?!")

The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jumping the
length of a football field. (30 minutes... lucky pig... can you imagine??)

The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds. (What could be so tasty on the
bottom of a pond?)

Some lions mate over 50 times a day. (I still want to be a pig in my next
life...quality over quantity)

Butterflies taste with their feet. (Something I always wanted to know.)

The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue. (Hmmmmmm........)

Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed
people. (If you're ambidextrous, do you split the difference?)

Elephants are the only animals that cannot! jump. (OK, so that would be a
good thing....)

A cat's urine glows under a black light. (I wonder who was paid to figure
that out?)

An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain. (I know some people like that.)

Starfish have no brains. (I know some people like that too.)

Polar bears are left-handed. (If they switch, they'll live a lot longer.)

Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure. (What
about that pig??)

Now that you've smiled at least once, it's your turn to spread the stupidity
and send this to someone you want to bring a smile to (maybe even a
chuckle)...in other words send it to everyone.

Subject: Common Sense Obituary

Today we mourn the passing of an old friend, by the name of Common Sense. Common Sense lived a long life but died in the United States from heart failure on the brink of the new millennium. No one really knows how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.

He selflessly devoted his life to service in schools, hospitals, homes, factories helping folks get jobs done without fanfare and foolishness. For decades, petty rules, silly laws, and frivolous lawsuits held no power over Common Sense. He was credited with cultivating such valued lessons as to know when to come in out of the rain, why the early bird gets the worm, and that life isn't always fair.

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you earn), reliable parenting strategies (the adults are in charge, not the kids), and it's okay to come in second. A veteran of the Industrial Revolution, the Great Depression, and the Technological Revolution, Common Sense survived cultural and educational trends including body piercing and "new math." But his health declined when he became infected with the "If - it - only - helps - one - person - it's - worth - it" virus.

In recent decades his waning strength proved no match for the ravages of well intentioned but overbearing regulations. He watched in pain as good people became ruled by self-seeking lawyers. His health rapidly deteriorated when schools endlessly implemented zero-tolerance policies. Reports of a six-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate, a teen suspended for taking a swig of mouthwash after lunch, and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student only worsened his condition. It declined even further when schools had to get parental consent to administer aspirin to a student but could not inform the parent when a female student was pregnant or wanted an abortion.

Finally, Common Sense lost his will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband, churches became businesses, criminals received better treatment than victims and federal judges stuck their noses in everything from the Boy Scouts to professional sports. Finally, when a woman, too stupid to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot, was awarded a huge settlement, Common Sense threw in the towel.

As the end neared, Common Sense drifted in and out of logic but was kept informed of developments regarding questionable regulations such as those for low flow toilets, rocking chairs and stepladders.

Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust, his wife Discretion, his daughter, Responsibility and his son, Reason. He is survived by two stepbrothers: My Rights, and Im A Whiner.

Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone.

--Obituary author unknown.