More of the Forwards I can't resist

- I've Got AAADD
Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder

Recently, I was diagnosed with AAADD: Age Activated Attention Deficit
Disorder. This is how it manifests:

I decided to wash my car. As I started toward the garage, I spotted the
mail on the hall table I should go through the mail before I wash the
car.

I lay the car keys on the table, put the junk mail in the trash can
under the table, and notice that the trash can is full.

So, I put the bills back on the table and take out the trash first.

Since I'm going to be near the mailbox when I take out the trash anyway,
I might as well pay the bills first.

I see my checkbook on the table, but there is only one check left.

My extra checks are in my desk in the study, so I go to my desk, where I
find the bottle of juice that I had been drinking. I'm going to look for
my checks, but first I need to push the juice aside so that I don't
accidentally knock it over.

But the juice is getting warm, and should be put in the refrigerator to
keep it cold.

Heading toward the kitchen with the juice, a vase of flowers on the
counter catches my eye. They need to be watered.

I set the juice down on the counter, and find my reading glasses, for
which I've been searching all morning.

I had better put them back on my desk, but first I'm going to water the
flowers.

I set the glasses back down on the counter, fill a container with water,
and suddenly spot the TV remote.

Someone left it on the kitchen table. Tonight when we sit down to watch
TV, we will be looking for the remote, but nobody will remember that
it's on the kitchen table.

I should put it back in the den where it belongs, but first I'll water
the flowers . I splash some water on the flowers, but most of it spills
on the floor.

So, I put the remote back down on the table, and get some towels to wipe
up the spill.

Then I head down the hall trying to remember what I was planning to do.

At the end of the day:

the car isn't washed,

the bills aren't paid,

there is a warm bottle of juice sitting on the counter,

the flowers aren't watered,

there is still only one check in my checkbook,

I can't find the remote, I can't find my glasses,

and I don't remember what I did with the car keys.

I'm trying to figure out why nothing got done today; it's quite baffling
because I know I was busy all day long, and I'm really tired.

I know this is a serious problem, and I'll try to get some help for it,
but first I'll check my e-mail.

Do me a favor, will you?

Forward this message to whoever you think might enjoy it, because I
don't remember who I've already sent it to.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough. Give the world the best you've got anyway.

You see, in the end, it is between you and God; it was never between you and them anyway.

Subject: computers

A language teacher was explaining to her class that in French, nouns, unlike their English counterparts, are grammatically designated as masculine or feminine.

"House" in French, is feminine-"la maison"
"Pencil" in French, is masculine "le crayon".

One puzzled student asked, "What gender is computer?" The teacher did not know, and the word was not in her French dictionary. So for fun, she split the class into two groups, appropriately enough by gender, and asked them to decide whether "computer" should be a masculine or a feminine noun. Both groups were required to give four reasons for their recommendation.

The men's group decided that computer should definitely be of the feminine gender ("la computer"), because

1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic;
2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else;
3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later review; and
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.

The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be masculine ("le computer") because:
1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on;
2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves;
3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem; and
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.

The women won.

LIFE BEYOND FIFTY:

Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty.
But everything else starts to
wear out, fall out, or spread out.

There are three signs of old age.
The first is your loss of memory,
the other two I forget.

You're getting old when
you don't care where your spouse goes,
just as long as you don't have to go along.

Middle age is when work is a lot less fun
and fun a lot more work.

Statistics show that at the age of seventy,
there are five women to every man.
Isn't that the darndest time for a guy to get those odds?

You know you're getting on in years
when the girls at the office start confiding in you..

Middle age is when it takes longer to rest than to get tired.

By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step,
he's too old to go anywhere.

Middle age is when
you have stopped growing at both ends,
and have begun to grow in the middle.

Of course I'm against sin;
I'm against anything that I'm too old to enjoy.

Billy Graham has described heaven as
a family reunion that never ends.
What must hell possibly be like?
Home videos of the same reunion?

A man has reached middle age
when he is cautioned to slow down by his doctor
instead of by the police.

Middle age is having a choice of two temptations
and choosing the one that will get you home earlier.

You know you're into middle age when
you realize that caution is the only thing
you care to exercise.

At my age, "getting a little action"means
I don't need to take a laxative.

Don't worry about avoiding temptation.
As you grow older, it will avoid you.

The aging process could be slowed down
if it had to work its way through Congress.

You're getting old when
getting lucky means
you find your car in the parking lot.

You're getting old when
you're sitting in a rocker
and you can't get it started.

You're getting old when
your wife gives up sex for Lent,
and you don't know until the 4th of July.

You're getting old when
you wake up with that morning-after feeling,
and you didn't do anything the night before.

The cardiologist's diet:
if it tastes good, spit it out.

Doctor to patient: I have good news and bad news:
the good news is that you are not a hypochondriac.

It's hard to be nostalgic
when you can't remember anything.

You know you're getting old when
you stop buying green bananas.

Last Will and Testament:
Being of sound mind, I spent all my money.

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