| Things
that go 'bump in the night'
. . . . . by Carol Abbottİ 2003
It's almost Halloween....
Time to run and scream....
All around the town....
Watch Out! (that thing is green)....
It's lurking in the shade.....
Is that the glint of a blade?
DON'T go over there....
Help, it has me by the hair!!
Here are a few
hints on how to have a Safe and Sane Halloween. PLEASE make note. I'd like
for you to be around to tell tales afterwards.
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| Subject:
Tips for a safe Halloween!
When it appears that
you have killed a monster, NEVER check to see if it's dead.
Never read aloud
from a book that summons demons.
Do not search the
basement when the power is out.
If your child
suddenly speaks in an ancient demonic language or in another persons voice, shoot it
immediately. This will save you both a lot of grief in the long run. Use lots of bullets.
When you have the
benefit of numbers, NEVER pair off or go it alone.
Never stand in, on, or
above a grave, tomb, or crypt.
If you searched for
something that caused a loud noise and find out that it's just the cat, GET THE HELL OUT!
Do not check for short
circuits in appliances that start operating by themselves, just get out of the house right
away!
Do not take anything from
the dead.
If a town looks deserted,
there is a good reason. Do NOT stop to look around.
Don't fool around with
recombinant DNA unless you know what you are doing.
Stay away from certain
geographical locations, some of which are: Amityville, Elm Street, Transylvania, The
Bermuda Triangle and any small town in Maine.
If your house is
built upon an old cemetery, move in with the in-laws immediately. This also applies if the
previous inhabitants went mad, or died in some horrible fashion or have performed satanic
practices.
If you run out of
gas at night on a lonely road, do not go to the nearby, deserted looking house to phone.
If you suspect the tank is still half full, shoot yourself immediately. You are going to
die anyway and will most likely be eaten.
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Ten Things that let
you know you are too old for "Trick or Treating"!
- You get winded from knocking on the door.
- You have to have another kid chew the candy
for you.
- You ask for high fiber candy only.
- When someone drops a candy bar in your bag,
you lose your balance and fall over.
- People say, "Great Keith Richards
mask!" and you're not wearing a mask.
- When the door opens you yell, "Trick
or..." and can't remember the rest.
- By the end of the night, you have a bag full
of restraining orders.
- You have to carefully choose a costume that
won't dislodge your hairpiece.
- You're the only Power Ranger in the
neighborhood with a walker.
- You avoid going to houses where your ex-wives
live.
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