Some personal thoughts on this prayer...

This particular prayer spoke to me on a very personal level.    I am often a slave to the desires and fears that Mother speaks of.  My humanness makes me desire to be loved.  Most certainly by my family (husband, daughters and the grandchildren who do their part ---for which I'm grateful. But also to be loved by my friends and even by more casual acquaintances)  I'd really like to be the person who people say about:  "Oh she is just so fun to be with.  I just 'love' when she is around because I know she will keep things lively."    So by extension, I also desire to be extolled, honored, praised, consulted, preferred, approved and (dare I say it?) popular!  Sometimes I'd just settle for not being ignored.  I'm too quiet, not a good conversationalist --- there is really only so much time that you can fill discussing the weather, believe me.   I just do not have the knack of small-talk that sounds deep and/or profound.  When I try to 'share' thoughts on stuff that means something to me, I have a tendency to lose my train of thought half way through (which is embarrassing) or, even more embarrassing, I begin to tear-up.  I call it my 'leaky-eye' but it definitely isn't easy to hide and adds a lot more weight and a somber tone to the simplest act of sharing, so I tend to avoid sharing at all except with those whom I know well (and by extension who know about my leaky eye problem and ignore it.)

As for the second part of this prayer.  Well I am forever in fear of looking foolish (example: 'leaky eye'), of being ridiculed, despised, forgotten and my all time least favorite: humiliated!  There are so many unpleasant memories --- old and new ones -- of when I wished to do an instant rewind and replay so I could end up saying, doing or being different than I appeared in 'Take One'.    And I'm so good at remembering them and bringing them back to mind to castigate myself with at odd intervals.  So pointless, so silly and so likely to happen, like poking a sore tooth with your tongue again and again.  If you (the reader) are saying "We ALL feel THAT way sometimes about dumb things we did in the past."  Well, we are human, you and I, and I know in my mind that my past lame talk/actions aren't likely to make much of a difference in the total scheme of the world.   So I plug along and keep trying.  But I'm never going to be the life of the party and sadly that is a true regret of mine.  I guess that's really what Mother Teresa is praying about.

She is reminding me that I need to do what is true to my heart and just keep going.  Not getting wrapped up in the MEness of the situations of my day.  Looking beyond ME and seeing the world/the person/the situation in front of my nose.  Concentrating on someone else besides myself.  Actively seeking to find Jesus in those who I come into contact with.  Not worrying so much whether I look foolish, stupid, ridiculous.  Just trying to make another human being feel at ease and cared about.  Remembering that it is NOT ultimately about me.  So this is a good prayer to copy and tape on my mirror and repeat every day.