Why
did God make mothers?
- She's the only one who knows where the
scotch tape is.
- Think about it, it was the best way to get
more people.
- Mostly to clean the house.
- To help us out of there when we were getting
born.
How did God make mothers?
- He used dirt, just like for the rest
of us.
- Magic plus super powers and a lot of
stirring.
- God made my mom just the same like he made
me. He just used bigger parts.
Why did God give you your
mother and not some other mom?
- We're related.
- God knew she likes me a lot more than other
people's moms like me.
What ingredients are mothers
made of?
- God makes mothers out of clouds and angel
hair and everything nice in the world and one dab of mean.
- They had to get their start from men's
bones. Then they mostly use string I think.
What kind of little girl was
your mom?
- My mom has always been my mom and none of
that other stuff.
- I don't know because I wasn't there, but my
guess would be pretty bossy.
- They say she used to be nice.
How did your mom meet your
dad?
- Mom was working in a store and dad was
shoplifting.
What did mom need to know
about dad before she married him?
- His last name.
- She had to know his background. Like is he a
crook? Does he get drunk on beer? Does he make at least $800 a year? Did he say NO to
drugs and YES to chores.
Why did your mom marry your
dad?
- My dad makes the best spaghetti in the
world. And my mom eats a lot.
- She got too old to do anything else with
him.
- My grandma says that mom didn't have her
thinking cap on.
What makes a real woman?
- It means you have to be really bossy without
looking bossy.
Who's the boss at your house?
- Mom doesn't want to be boss, but she has to
because dad's such a goofball.
- Mom. You can tell by room inspection. She
sees the stuff under the bed.
- I guess Mom is, but only because she has a
lot more to do than dad.
What's the difference between
moms and dads?
- Moms work at work and work at home, and dads
just got to work at work.
- Moms know how to talk to teachers without
scaring them.
- Dads are taller and stronger, but moms have
all the real power 'cause that's who you gotta ask if you want to sleep over at your
friend's.
What does your mom do in her
spare time?
- Mothers don't do spare time.
- To hear her tell it, she pays bills all day
long.
What's the difference between
moms and grandmas?
- About 30 years.
- You can always count on grandmothers for
candy. Sometimes moms don't even have bread on them!
Describe the world's greatest
mom?
- She would make broccoli taste like ice
cream!
- The greatest mom in the world wouldn't make
me kiss my aunts!
- She'd always be smiling and keep her
opinions to herself.
Is anything about your mom
perfect?
- Her teeth are perfect, but she bought them
from the dentist.
- Her casserole recipes. But we hate them.
- Just her children
What would it take to make
your mom perfect?
- On the inside she's already perfect.
Outside, I think some kind of plastic surgery.
- Diet. You know, her hair. I'd dye-it, maybe blue.
If you could change one thing
about your mom, what would it be?
- She has this weird thing about me keeping my
room clean. I'd get rid of that.
- I'd make my mom smarter. Then she would know
it was my sister who did it and not me.
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